That statement can lead nowhere good in a hurry, and has, in fact, lead to many a disaster. Coincidentally, I'm also a bit lonely, so to kill two birds with one stone I decided to grow my very own army of hellspawn to keep me company and simultaneously delving into an experiment of sorts with everyone's favorite pet food turned pet. Yup, that's right folks! I'm experimenting with the one and only Sea Monkeys. Granted, this could end up a dead end in more ways than one, but it takes little to amuse my simple mind these days.
To begin my experiment, I needed some supplies. So I went digging through my closet for something I could keep the little name brand brine shrimp in. The results were a small Kritter Keeper style container I had bought many moons ago at Petsmart (I believe). I also found a small air pump from an old filter I bought so long ago the memory of it's purchase was long since gone, and a small amount of air line to go with it. I installed a small cheap flow valve into the air line to regulate the amount of air going into the water so it wasn't overwhelming (Sea Monkeys don't like living in a constant "Spin Cycle" after all). At the very end, I attatched the small clear plastic piece that comes attached to bottom of the "Million Bubbles Air Pump" I so happened to have laying around in my junk pile. It's essentially a gimmicky air stone, but it works a lot better on the end of an air line than on that cheap plastic squeezable thing (I think it's called an Aqua Leash for those of you Sea Monkey fanatics).
Next I had to figure out how many packages of Instant Life I would need for this supersized project. Since I'm triggered heavily by the mere presence of a mathematical equation (due to many a night yelling back and forth with my father over algebra homework) I swiftly contacted NASA and had their elite squad of physicists compute for me the approximate amount of water it would hold. Okay not really, NASA wouldn't take my phone call so I had to revert to using Google. Still, I had to do a lot of hard math related thinking. One massive headache and a few aspirin later, I was no closer to solving this riddle.
Then, in a glorious epiphany, I finally figured out that I could take my actual Sea Monkey brand tank and just fill it and dump it into the Kritter Keeper to see how many times it would take to fill it up.The results were exactly 4 times. Thus, I cleverly deduced that I needed 4 Instant Life packs (each sold separately) to sufficiently create the proper salinity and populate my Kritter Keeper. Let me tell you, those weren't cheap. But boredom must be cured at all costs, so I purchased them anyways. Thankfully I have Amazon Prime, so free shipping (woohoo!).
So, here's the whole shebang all set up and ready to receive the powdery goodness from those overpriced packets.
After all of that back breaking labor of setup (and one package delivery later) I have exactly 12 little packets of Sea Monkey stuffs and 4 spoons to feed all my future aquatic underlings with. So many spoons! I might start a spoon empire next!
Anyways, back to the topic at hand. My many many packets. I think I could colonize a planet with all of this!
I quickly realized that my soon to be army might stage a coup and take the food rations all for themselves. To ensure those greedy grubbers don't get more than their weekly rations, I have secured all food stores in a top security vault of the highest caliber. I also managed to scrounge some older rations out in an airtight container from the depths of a junk drawer. They're a bit dusty, but they'll do.
Now you might be wondering about the 4 sets of included instructions. Well, where we're going we don't need no instructions! I didn't even bother to get them out of the packs. The instructions are for conventional Sea Monkey care, and since I'm doing nothing anywhere close to a conventional setup, I decided to create my own instructions.
Basically I tossed all of packets 1 and packets 2 into the container all at the same time. Now, before all you Sea Monkey purists out there send me massive amounts of hate mail and death threats, let me explain my reasoning. Packets 1 and 2 both contain eggs, salt and a few other things like baking soda and such. Packet 2 has a few things of dye in it so when you are supposedly adding it to the "tank" on day 2, the eggs from the previous packet will have hatched and grown a bit and become highly visible in the dye, thus creating the illusion of "instant life" or "hatching before your very own eyes!".
And now that brings us to the tank after all 8 packets were unceremoniously dumped into the water. It looks like watery pea soup without mashed up peas in it. Sea Monkey Soup?
Much to my delight, I also found an old "Sea Monkey Submarine Search Light" among the closet clutter (I should really reorganize it someday). I think it's from a "Pirate Treasure" Sea Monkey set if you're curious. Anyways, it flickers half the time and almost stays lit up long enough to illuminate the tank. I figured it'd be useful for pictures at least. Or making the Sea Monkeys swim around chasing it until they pass out exhausted. I haven't decided yet.
So there you have it. My sad pathetic attempt to alleviate boredom and loneliness. Maybe someday they'll let me come into their world and be a part of their society. Then perhaps I won't be so lonely anymore.
Stay tuned to see if all my dreams come true! I might even update in the future (if I feel like it)!
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